DJ DISC JOCKEY
Music S**t & Stuff
© www.djdiscjockey.co.uk
TRANSLATION : DJ Disc Jockey
Calci Yum doesn’t work well in the mornings. Best to leave him snooze through the day and plan your jam for later in the evening. A valuable asset to the collective when you hear him hum.
A whole horn section on his own …. But bring a towel when foo is around - to wipe up the sweet puke that spews from his mouth. Worth the hassle though when you hear him - liquid gold to your ears.
Setup your cassette recorder and then prod Gozer with a stick. Run for the door and wait to hear the sweetest profanity known to man - all caught on tape. Gozer doesn’t just say fuck, he curses in tune.
Living inside his imagination and happy to work for minimum wage on a zero hours contract these guys are at the top of their field. Prod them with a stick and you never know what scat is gonna cum out of their mouths … an ooh lalala or a shoo beedoo bee. It’s all recorded on an old BASF cassette tape by DJ Disc Jockey to add to another thumping tune some time in the near or distant future.
Meet the Noise Dudes collective :
TRANSLATION : Meet and Greet
Cute and sweet he might look, but cute and sweet he ain’t. Fudgey doubles as vocalist and doorman. Nobody get’s past Fudgey unless they have a pass and that includes DJ Disc Jockey.
Lord Gaga is a naturist and spurns clothing and hot baths. He’s got his own seat in the studio, always positioned downwind. What a voice though - rapper, beatboxer …… mutherlicker.
DJ Disc Jockey runs the show but wouldn’t get anywhere without the sounds for the mixes. All those beebops, shoowahs and boomboom booms don’t just appear from nowhere so DJDJ called in a few favours and came up with his own little musical collective - THE NOISE DUDES.
Need a funky beat then Boner Jams is your dude. Need a spaceship taking off sound, or a car hitting a pineapple noise then he’s the MF alien. He makes noises you never even knew existed.
IN SHORT:
Imagine the frustration when you love to sing but your voice isn’t that good. Music is a passion but you have no vocal skills to express yourself. Your fingers are too short to wrap around a guitar, and too stumpy to hit the right piano keys. When you play the clarinet the dog howls louder than when the vet chopped his bollocks off (poor old Bonzo). Then they invented the computer, and then someone invented music software. Some clever bastard made software that makes and mixes up sounds … beats, keys, bass sounds, guitar sounds, even vocals. Now you can make music to your hearts content. Who needs a piano when you have a keyboard …. oh deep joy in the early spring - I’m a musician.
REALITY CHECK:
No I’m not …. I still can’t sing or play ‘real’ instruments .... but I can make music so that’s good enough in my book. Okay, I’m a DJ, so what do I call myself - with a little inspiration from a Maxim article it has to be the obvious of course : DJ DISC JOCKEY - I’m a fucking genius - I call myself what I am so there’s no confusion - I’m a DJ, which stands for Disc Jockey … therefore I AM DJ DISC JOCKEY !
WHAT STYLE:
That’s a tough one - I’m an all round music fan. What genre do I work on. With decades of tunes bouncing in my head I don’t know where to start. This is why most of my tunes get unfinished. How the fuck do you describe a song that’s been inspired by Beck, Dr. Hook, Die Antwoord, Queens of the Stone Age, Edith Piaf, Grace Jones, Highly Suspect, Joe Cocker, Bush, Microdisney, Prince, Rage against the Machine, The Kinks, Ween, Frankie Valli, Dave Lee Roth, Electric 6, and the Ed Kirkeby Orchestra. It ain’t gonna happen - there’s no rhyme or reason to the songs that get finished and put up here. I’m never happy with them and they always need a tweak or ten. That’s the problem in fact, I tweak them too much and they end up sounding different that when I started. They sound different too on different devices - through my headphones, through the computer speakers, through the bluetooth, in the car ..... fuck U technology ....... no wait, I love you. (Mental note to self - Stop Tweaking)
ABOUT (preposition)
1. of; concerning; in regard to:
2. connected or associated with:
Shit words typed on semen smeared keyboards about music and stuff and other shit and more stuff - what a waste of time